Sopot, Poland, night 22/06/08This baby is born. They put him in my arms, I hold him. I lay down on the floor, my huge belly and my huge me reclined like a huge Etruscan lady. I think “aye! carrying a baby in our own body can do that to its shape”. Although I’m quite surprised for not having a single memory about my pregnancy. There are more people around in the room. I see Mozza and Otto. Then this baby starts crawling on all fours escaping from my arms and I realize how this is weird. We are in a terrace, and I’m telling Otto: “this house is quite ok, except for its lobby and hall. They must be repainted.” Then I realize that the hall is much bigger than I thought it was, but its walls are some how damage and black painted which it is not a good colour cause doesn’t allow us to see how beautiful and in good shape the house is. Then I see its enormous attic. I tell Otto: “This attic is so great; you could make a bar and a restaurant out of it. It has a splendid view all over the city”.
So, as this baby comes again to my arms I remember that the best way to keep him calm and quiet is to nurse him. He is a sucking child but I’m afraid I don’t have milk. Astonishingly I realize my teats are full of milk as this voracious baby tries to suck holding my breast with his two little and energetic hands and opening his little mouth like a bird. This baby is very, very, strange to me. He has little teeth and his eyes are not human child's eys. I change breast to help him to suck but he’s just not able to do that like babies do: he can just avidly swallow the milk drop by drop in a bird way or something like that. I’m quite astonished about the plentifulness of milk my breast is producing but I don’t know what else do with this baby. I think I have to ask Carlos C. what to do about this as I’m more and more aware how strange this seams. I say to this baby “you are not human. Who are you?” I am very angry. I’m not emotionally bounded with this baby nor is this baby emotionally attached to me. This baby’s eyes are cold. This baby only wants to be nourished but he doesn’t recall for love at all. I just want to get rid of him.
So, as this baby comes again to my arms I remember that the best way to keep him calm and quiet is to nurse him. He is a sucking child but I’m afraid I don’t have milk. Astonishingly I realize my teats are full of milk as this voracious baby tries to suck holding my breast with his two little and energetic hands and opening his little mouth like a bird. This baby is very, very, strange to me. He has little teeth and his eyes are not human child's eys. I change breast to help him to suck but he’s just not able to do that like babies do: he can just avidly swallow the milk drop by drop in a bird way or something like that. I’m quite astonished about the plentifulness of milk my breast is producing but I don’t know what else do with this baby. I think I have to ask Carlos C. what to do about this as I’m more and more aware how strange this seams. I say to this baby “you are not human. Who are you?” I am very angry. I’m not emotionally bounded with this baby nor is this baby emotionally attached to me. This baby’s eyes are cold. This baby only wants to be nourished but he doesn’t recall for love at all. I just want to get rid of him.
I miss dreamland and my night adventures as reality nowadays is so overwhelmingly imposing and not only in nice terms. So, since my awaken dream I’ve post some weeks ago I realize I’m changing again my patterns, but all of us are, aren’t we?